I dedicate this to the holy feet of my GURU Babaji Shivananda. He came gracefully and showed me the mirror to see GOD and my true self. In so many years, I could not find one person who had no ego and who could understand what I was going through spiritually. The divine master Babaji held his light to me and gave me an assurance back to back that what I was seeing and feeling indeed was god inside. He has no ego, so humble yet so loving. Thank you, Babaji for being part of my very being, erasing my identity forever, and merging in me. You the sadguru cleared the path where I was lost and put me back to GOD.
Dear All, I would like to share my journey how with Swami and Babaji’s guidance and grace I was able to complete my inner journey(to know who I am) and achieve Self-realization. At this point, here Swami, Babaji, and I have become ONE. This happens when our soul merges with Paramatma that in union with God.
Every atma has to go through this and achieve it. After this state, there is no rebirth of the soul.
That means the inner journey is complete and my soul joined in union with its Divine self (Swami and Babaji ) within and it’s not separate..and one. When this union happens it’s Beautiful..it feels like 100000 volts of love and power and completeness. Though our individual effort is there to take the journey the final union can only happen with the grace of the Guru and God. When swami and Babaji and I become ONE in union and me and him are not separate anymore. This body remains a body with an outer shell and only universal consciousness remains within.
From 2003 - 2013 (Baba Subtle Form Darshans, visions and 100s of dreams)
I am a working mother with a family and 2 kids and working as a Software Engineer in one of the top multinational companies in New York City. I did not do any sadhana or really any big service projects or service coordinators or did bhajans or anything to achieve it nor any desire to attain. I belong to a family where no one is swamis devotee. It started with Shirdi Baba since my college days, and until a few years later into my marriage and kids…till 2013. I just used to love Shirdi baba within deeply connected to him within. I used to often have subtle form darshans of shirdi baba at home and 100s of dreams of all gods..and Lord Shiva etc. That was till 2013 for almost 10 yrs it was that way. Through this period I was working…and the same stuff..family..job..kids, cooking and shirdi baba. After 2013 Swami/Satya Sai Baba showed me he and Shirdi baba are the same and a couple of times I had a subtle form darshan of swami at my home for almost 2 hrs and I talked to him. It was just going on this way. I used to get lots of visions…on so many spiritual things and also subtle form darshan of Lord shiva and so on..but life was just going on. Once I asked swami..why not vibhuti materialization at home in 2015 and swami laughed loudly with a thunderous laugh and said why vibhuti I will give myself to you. He said See everything in this universe is a miracle…why external miracles again at your home. The sun staying up there is a miracle...the nature and you are breathing that is a miracle...go beyond all this. ( really this does not matter as it's outside of you, just giving a background that's it). Visions..subtle form darshans… and all does not mean much. Here god is still outside of you and you are conversing with god outside so there is so much distance between god and me at this point. ( I am not sharing here the details of Baba Subtle form darshans or 100s of dreams).
From 2015 -2018 : My Inner Journey Started.
Connecting to the Formless God, The cosmic Light, And the Knowledge of the Self downloaded
I started connecting inner with the formless god pure light and the VOID. One day I was just closing my eyes and sitting in front of swami, then it started to reveal itself. It was absolute silence, the cosmos..the void..for which there was no beginning nor end. There was just golden light in the center surrounded with all empty dark space and absolute silence. That is the real form of divine self with no beginning and no end. It was absolute silence and pure love and nothingness. We all come from it and go back into it. It's just all energy and love and light. So whenever I wanted during the day or whenever I used to close my eyes and goto into that absolute silence and love and light the formless god which is the whole of consciousness. There is no name and form for god. That cosmic energy ..we are all part of it. I could just sit in that bliss of absolute silence…and knew who I am. The SELF-revealed itself to me…and I started feeling I am the universal truth..I am lord shiva and shakti..I am the universal power..I am a speck of the same energy and this whole universe and everything is a speck of that energy. What are its qualities..just love and light. All these physical manifestations are all Maya..and illusion..and drama.
I never read ANY spiritual books nor discourses from any GURU. But all the spiritual wisdom on whatever each guru is teaching was revealed to me Inner in 2016. Whatever swami in muddenahalli is saying now all that wisdom of the self got downloaded into me in 2016. When I hear all the discourses of Swami now, I know everything of what he is saying and have been living through that since 2016. Never read anywhere from outside it got revealed from within. All the knowledge of the self came in. From then, I was just staying a detached life…from inside connecting to cosmic light..and observing the drama of life.
Swami Voice/ Inner voice or Consciousness Manifesting within:
Then one day I started to hear, my inner voice,swamis voice…which manifested inside me. That's the voice of the consciousness. We are specks of that consciousness. My inner voice was hearing it to me as swami’s voice as that's the form I was associated with. I could hear sathya sai baba swami talking in telugu. It can be called..inner voice..swami voice..inner consciousness..shiva..consciousness…or any name. This voice started guiding me so much. Swami Voice used to tell me everything beforehand. It's like having physical sathya sai baba swami inside you..24/7 available and solely available to help with anything and guiding you in your materialistic and spiritual paths. And when swami is available inside its not like outside in Puttaparthi where he was available in limited form. Having swami inside he is fully available with no limitations. His Love is WOW. So I started using him for all my needs. He used to talk to me 24/7…like every decision..everything I do..I used to ask him and do everything whatever he was saying was coming true. He used to guide me on a daily basis..on cooking, office work, shopping..my kids studies…and everything beforehand he used to tell and everything used to come true. Sooooooo many medical miracles..as per his guidance. He used to say see I love you..all everyone needs is purity if they are pure..I will manifest inside them and stay with them forever as their everything. Swami used to say If I love you, I will live inside you. He talks non-stop when he is available Inner…talking…soooo much talking he would. He becomes your innerself… it's more of a friend .our materialistic decisions..of studies..job everything..was guided by him. I did not have to listen to any discourse or look for any suggestions from any external guru for spiritual guidance or materialistic world things guidance. In 2015 only he said he will give something special on april 2017 and I waited 2 yrs for it. On april 1st 2107..he told me to open a website…and told me to volunteer there. And when I opened the website..it was muddenahalli..and he sent me there to do service as I used to ask him I want to serve, the only wish I had back then, now I dont have any. I never visited Puttaparthi or muddenahalli till now. From 2017..I was doing service virtually from the USA…But inner swami used to always always always say….yes that is only service…in mdh..you are doing. That is separate and your service is separate from your sadhana. He said you keep doing service because that is your dharma. But your sadhana, the journey to your inner self is different. ( There are 100s of miracles following swami voice in my life which I did not include here.)
From 2018 - Erase yourself - Become zero (The only sadhana Swami told me to do):
As sadhana he said, get rid of yourself..erase yourself and work only from Swami's mind. he said now you have access to me..24/7 now only work from Swamis mind and let go of your mind. So that was my sadhana. I asked should I do meditation or listen to swami discourses outside from MDH he said NO, he said ONLY he has to be there and not me. In 2018..he said…only work asking me everything because I guide you every second..only do what I say and don't use your mind. So mostly from 2018 I used to ask each and every single thing from him and do..but sometimes I used to forget things like doing office work etc..and use my mind. It was a sadhana…that always I have to let go of my mind and only depend on him the inner swami or shiva consciousness. Since him talking and taking care of everything was soooo beautiful because he guides every little thing. But Lot of times I used to cry sometimes I am forgetting swami..pls spare me. Also there was a constant urge and prayer that I wanted to get rid of my mind forever..and only work from his consciousness. Merging my mind into him. At this point, I am still connecting to the Silence and VOID and the cosmic light and into silence. I would always feel I am shiva..I am shakti..I am the universal truth…and there is no name and form for me. I am THAT. The energy would roar inside me as I am the creator and destroyer. I am Brahman myself. It's all love and light and all that knowledge of spiritual wisdom I was living through as I experienced it. SO whatever service I was doing for swami in muddenahalli was still external as swami said that is your dharma. but your inner journey sadhana is different.
From 2020: My Self-realization : Babaji Shivananda (Graceful Master)
At this point, I was still asking Swami everything and doing. Swami told me to erase myself and my mind and that would mean I will not even follow others' minds because they will be working from their own minds.
In 2020, then came the Master Babaji Shivananda. His grace is tremendous. I asked swami when you are with me already then why Babaji…then swami said..wait there is some work. The day I saw Babaji's photo, I had a big dream. I saw light on his forehead in the picture. Then I knew who he was. He was pure consciousness. I asked Swami if I should contact him. Swami said yes. I never met Babaji till now so I sent a couple of WhatsApp messages to him introducing myself back then in 2020.
After that, I started getting Babaji dreams daily…Morning , Afternoon, Evening,,,it went on to count in the 100s I would say basically every day. I am like what is happening. The dreams were chasing me. I asked Swami what is this…he smiled and said Babaji is his own. Then after a couple of months, I started getting lots and lots and lots of energy transmission in the form of Divine Love from Babaji for hours together and days together. I used to never message or talk to him and was not really in contact with him, except those initial messages of introduction. I used to get a lot of dizziness as well..those days. I used to eat like 6 times a day like crazy, not sure why I used to feel sooo hungry. The dreams were chasing me…100s I got. And I was like daily dream…and this tsunami of energy in the form of divine love was pouring in from him…for hours together day in and day out…for 6 months. The whole world seemed engulfed in this energy of divine love and, I could not even walk sometimes. Going downstairs I would skip steps because I could not see anything. Actually, I am not unable to write..but it was really overwhelming..exceptional divine love with 1000000s of volts and it went on for 6 months. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. How can I for hours together daily and for months together receive tremendous energy from Babaji. And again having this terrible hunger and dizziness along with it. I felt like my inner being and my body both going through tremendous change. It went on for 6 months till Dec 2020. During this process, I used to cry for hours together for Babaji…in Bliss…daily it used to happen. I asked Swami what is this..Swami said it's SWAMI only in the form of Babaji sending that tremendous amount of divine love in the form of energy and taking over me. It's divine love. It felt like the whole world is only Babaji..all I was feeling for months together was only this energy..those dreams..that energy..was for hours from Babaji..was making me lose myself. I used to feel like the whole world has become a huge wave of a tsunami of love and in that love, I am like a small fish trying to swim up and yet cannot come up because it was overtaking..me. I am in an ocean of divine love for which there is no beginning nor end. That ocean of love is all cosmos it's that big. In that billions volts of love, I could not find myself. Yet it was tremendously beautiful that my tears nor my body were able to sustain it. In that, I felt my ego was blasted into million pieces….and in each piece I was only experiencing divine love from Babaji. I was trying to find myself anywhere and I was only finding this energy from Babaji. I was desperately trying to figure out where I was…and everywhere in every second and in every location the whole world including me has become this divine love and energy of Babaji/Swami..and where am I ..I was lost…I was trying to figure out where am I. Including me and the whole world has become this divine love only. In this trance, and energy transmissions..and 100s of dreams….hunger and eating to sustain that energy I was somewhere for 6 months. Swami said kept saying it will go away by Dec 2020. I sent a couple of messages to Babaji..and he replied with a one-liner message bless you that's all. He also said its Divine Love. During this time I was not in touch with Babaji much except a couple of times messaging what's going on with me. In 2021…I started to see what has changed in me. Babaji erased everything of me within, the individual ego was gone..I was gone..and everything I am doing was controlled by him or swami. I started seeing nothing is in my control he and swami held the switch and I became just a robot. My energies were totally controlled by Babaji and Swami. I just became an outer shell. The inner has changed completely. During the process of 6 months of all that going through I realized Babaji has completely erased of what is me. It became only him and swami within. I asked once Babaji what is this energy coming from you and is it Babaji you merging in me and he said Yes. Babaji and Swami merged in me that I got erased. I lost myself. I lost my Identity. Then I started seeing myself in everything. Everything became part of me. This whole universe became part of me. And when I asked swami he said NOW YOU and ME are ONE. so whatever you talk will be my word.. whatever you do will be only me(Swami). Death of my mind/ then I got erased. Before 2021 Swami said my sadhana was to only use his mind and work from there but now swami said it’s only him remaining within. Swami said whatever you say or talk will be my words and all actions will be mine only. Before I had to ask him and do, now my mind has gone whatever comes it is from him only. And Babaji also said He and I and Swami are ONE.
When I asked Babaji Shivananda he said this is self-realization and Babaji said you are self-realized. Your Atma Gyan ( inner journey to know who I am) is complete and that would mean When the god you loved is manifested inside you and you and your god become ONE. He said the river sets out its journey towards the ocean. Its journey is only to reach the ocean. Once it reaches and merges into the ocean the union happens within then no one can separate it. In the same way, he said, Swamis, Babaji's, and your union has happened. Meaning the god and you become one is self-realization.
Once the union with god happens, it's permanent and no one can separate. It's ONE. Babaji said Swami, Babaji, and Myself are not separate now. It's ONE. Babaji came as a mirror and gave the final blessing of pure love. Babaji is a sadguru, beautiful energy who is within.
Babaji Shivananda has given the greatest blessing a soul could ask for.
Union with God is happiness:
This is how I feel after self-realization and union with god.
I (individual ego) has died within and I resonate with everything in this universe. The love in me has become exponential that instead of loving one god, I love each and everything in this universe. Everything has become part of me. How beautiful it is Imagine..? This is how I feel.
I am the brahman, I am the UNIVERSE, I am shiva..I am shakti…I am the creator and destroyer. I am the beginning and I am the end. I am the silence, I am the space. I am everything and Everything is me. I am the indivisible atma self. I am THAT.. I declare I am the supreme consciousness….I see everyone as part of me. I have no name and form. I see myself in every atom of this universe. I see myself in the mountains,..in the rivers, in every living being..in the trees ..in every animal and every cell of the air in my room and street…and everywhere. I
I see the consciousness fully alive with every part of it resonating with full love and is part of me and I am part of it. I have no name..and form who am I ..I am everything. I am supreme BLISS…I am THAT…I am every name and form. I connect to every master Swami..Babaji and all of you within…me….as I am in each of you and you are in me. There is no difference between me and you and every cell and master of this universe who has taken a form…I am swami..I am Babaji..I am everyone of you. I am THAT. It's 100000s volts of LOVE within me that I feel every cell of mine Babaji and Swami and all of YOU and this universe. I am the brahman pure consciousness.
The maya of this world I feel like a drama..I can't connect with anything that is duality. It's all oneness. I cannot see God only in temples. I can myself as god and everything as god only.
To encourage everyone sharing the Benefits and life after Self-realization: This is how it is
We will have the supreme consciousness -god with us 24/7 inner ..guiding us in each and everything so we don't make mistakes in worldly life. This is called Inner voice or swamis voice or shiva consciousness or anything you name it. All the wisdom or brahma vidya that each guru shares is already available to us inside and we will know everything and will be using that wisdom to live this worldly and spiritual life as long as the body is on this earth. ( Imagine swami available for u exclusively for you inner).
There is a cosmic dance of continuous bliss and love exploding within us and no matter what and wherever we are, we are in this bliss forever..because this whole world feels like Maya and Illusion and drama..so we don't really connect to anything physical happening here is just duality. This is millions of times of love exploding within because you are connected to the source which is supreme consciousness which gives…unconditional love within.
Imagine with one bhajan and one guru we feel so loved, but now after this state the love explodes into everything in the universe. You connect to everything in the universe…the mountains..lakes..the sun..and everything being ..and the cosmic void..the silence…everything becomes part of you..and your love is so much..you give out and the universe is giving you back so much love 10000s. You expand to big within that universe.
And every soul that takes a human birth purpose
Some tips I learned along the journey:
Purity is important. Be ego-less state. Whenever I used to ask Swami he used to say because you and I are the same.
The negative qualities of ego, jealousy, name, fame, desires, controlling others, and thinking they are higher than others all the negative qualities block you from connecting to your true self.
The I should go. Become empty. No name and form.
When u become empty u become a servant to everyone in the universe.
When your inner self attains purity of god like qualities and the mind becomes pure then the inner soul/god self will reveal and manifest in you.
So check what extra baggage you are carrying that you are different from the god self.
Innerself is pure childlike innocence and pure love always. It lives in the present moment. Whatever we achieve in this world is simply an illusion. There is no ego of any sort.
Even if a person does years of seva and if he is filled with politics and operates from mind then there is no use.
You have to become nothing. If you say I am something then there is no use. No ego. I am or I have or I want. As long as the I is there then the ego is still there and self-realization will not happen.